QUICK, FETCH ME A BARD!

I was sat one night, when unliving did appear
(A tradition when large groups of people are near)
Incantors were herded and wedges were formed
And as they dismissed I just stood there and yawned

The ground was searched, a strange item was found
So we called for the Mages and gathered them round
They poked and they prodded and then spells were cast
“We reserve our opinion,” they then said at last

We decided a Ritual was the way to proceed
So a Ritual group was gathered with speed
The Ritualist said “Trust me, we’ll soon have it sorted”
Two smoking boots later that plan was aborted

All other professions are urgently called
The Incantors, The Ritualists, The Mages and all
But never is heard that terrified cry
“Quick, fetch me a Bard, or else we’ll all die”

Then a Lich appeared and he wanted his item
So our Archer said, “Hmm, I know how to fight ‘em”
With a Lich slaying arrow he took careful aim
He missed, the Lich didn’t, and the poor man was slain

So we rushed back to camp, y’ know as you do
Then from the main gates a loud cry did issue
“Warriors now, we are under attack”
And so, as Bards do, I stood at the back

The Lich knocked our champion down to the ground
And the call went up “Healer, attend to him now”
The Healer knelt down and started to mumble
Then the champion stood up and went back to the rumble

All other professions are urgently called
The Healers, The Warriors, The Archers and all
But never is heard that terrified cry
“Quick, fetch me a Bard, or else we’ll all die”

Now while this went on they called Alchemists in
“The item’s not poisonous,” they said with a grin
We waited and waited for them to say more
But there was nothing else from our ‘Masters of Lore’

Meanwhile at the gate they had called out the Scout
To help deal with the Lich that was wandering about
He crept up behind it and plunged in his dagger
The Lich turned and smiled and the Scout said “Oh bugger”

The Militia arrived, called for fighting to cease
Tried arresting the Lich for a ‘Breach of the Peace’
They then took the item that had caused all the trouble
The Lich turned and grabbed it, then ran off at the double

All other professions are urgently called
The Alchemists, The Scouts, The Militia and all
But never is heard that terrified cry
“Quick, fetch me a Bard, or else we’ll all die”

So now we’ve a Lich that has doubled in power
And Unliving attacks just get worse by the hour
So much for the Pro’s, now they all feel a twit
For between them they’ve dropped us real deep in the pit

The pit of despair, now we fight to survive
And it’s getting hard work just to stay alive
This tale I was telling down by the gate
Now that’s when my actions were smiled on by fate

The Lich he came back just to finish us off
When it heard me Barding, and so it backed off
I followed it out and continued to play
Then the Lich turned round screaming and just ran away

So other professions you urgently call
And when they can’t help your problem at all
You know what to do, just utter the cry
“Quick, fetch me a Bard, or else we’ll all die”

As written By Xoanon